Kenyans love their holidays but they give more gratitude to the gods if the said holiday falls on a Friday or Monday. When this anomaly happens, we are faced with what Kenyans love to call a long weekend a.k.a an extra day of partying, free time and debauchery. A long weekend can be strenuous to the body, and the pocket, if you pertake in what those who misquote the book of Timothy call medicine for the stomach. Here is a survival guide to drinking on a long weekend curated by my good friend, Adam Kiboi and I.
1. Put some money on your Mshwari
Oh you thought you were too cool for the money saving thingie that is Mshwari? You’ll never need a loan? Well here’s an even better reason to keep money there. Emergencies.
The amount of times I’ve been bailed out of a sticky situation (excessive spending at a pub) by this e-banking app would probably allow me to be a spokesperson for the chaps. I’ve never actually figured out how to use the loan thing but stash at least 2k there just in case you get dumb and tequilad enough to order a round for the girl over there in the barely visible red dress.
2. Charge your phone/Invest in a powerbank
This ones pretty self explanatory but it needs to be said. Your phone is your lifeline whenever going out. I had a hectic weekend last week and I ended up moving from cab to cab trying to charge my phone outside Bacchus on saturday morning so I could access contacts and figure out where the rest of my group had gone (They were at Solar Garden – the dunces).
3. Hydrate/ Drink Lucozade
This of course goes without saying, drink a shit load of water over the weekend. You’re planning on drinking enough to drown an irishman so definitely you need to space drinks with water. We need to keep those electrolytes up so if you can get one grab a lucozade at some point. No, they aren’t only for the invalid and people trying to race cheetahs (remember that advert? Ridiculous wasnt it?). Not Red Bull not Monster or their funky little cousin Shark. Plus all this will help with the next tip.
4. Avoid painkillers and coffee
Painkillers are of course a horrible combination with alcohol. We’re out here trying to fry your livers people. Aspirin is hell on that thing. Coffee after a night of drinking? An even worse idea. Caffeine dehydrates you and a hangover is essentially dehydration/lack of electrolytes. If you drank water the night before then the hangover shouldn’t be a problem even. If you need a quick energy boost then grab that lucozade.
5. Stock UP!!
There’s nothing sadder than running out of alcohol at exactly 8:30 and being that guy hustling the liquor section guy to slide by the rules and sell you a bottle of Johnnie Walker. Buy as much booze as possible before the time limit runs out so you dont have to go to a liquor store where the prices are so inflated you might as well be getting shafted with an elephant dick up the arse with no lube on.
6. Download Easy Taxi (and other apps listed here)
This app is essential for anyone who drinks really. Actually everyone should have it. It’s important because the convenience of having a taxi driver on call at anytime who is barely 5 minutes away can make your life so much easier. Going from Bacchus to Solar Garden and back? BOOM! Easy Taxi that and you pay around KSH 900 whereas Karis, your usual cab guy, will charge you an arm, a leg and KSh 1600 because mumezoeana. This is after he’s taken an hour to get to you after he’s told you he’s just down the road. Also Easy Taxi is the easiest way to avoid the alcoblow chaps and save yourself the guilt of killing your buddies after you drove drunk.
So there it is a not very definitive list of how to survive a long weekend and still make it to work on Monday minus that pesky hangover that your mdosi thinks is the flu but is really your brain asking you why you thought that last round of shots was really worth it. Enjoy the long weekend.
scenes to avoid 😛