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For a piece I thought I would come to write with as much ease as the thought crosses my mind, ‘The One’ has proved to be a difficult article to construct. Either this subject is too wide and vast to grasp a point upon which to begin discussion, or it has just left me blank. Ironic really.

Because I was experiencing some sort of writer’s block with this one (despite my urging desire to write about it) I bought a romance novel. Nothing too erotic – a Nicholas Sparks, you know… the guy who wrote ‘The Notebook’? A perfect read for the Christmas trip. Easy, I thought, since I am a sucker for romance and it would be perfect for inspiration. Half way through it on boxing day, I dropped the book. Couldn’t stand it. I don’t know why.

And so I had a couple of friends answer a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question for me: “Do you believe in THE ONE?”I asked them to give me the first answer that popped into their minds. I got 26 responses: 17 said YES, 8 said NO, 1 was inconclusive. Of the 26, 10 were men, and 16 ladies. Of the 8 who said NO, 4 were men and 6 were ladies. I wouldn’t want to break down the gender of the YES group, although what surprised me off my seat was that this group had a huge male following! And most of these candidates, I would have sworn by my life would have been in the NO camp. Fascinating! Conclusively, a lot of people out there do believe in ‘The One’.

In Paulo Coelho’s “Brida”, the main character in the book in pursuit of her soul mate through learning of the spirit and magical world is taught that each individual on earth is an incarnation of someone in her past and each individual has a soul mate. This soul and her significant other were once ONE soul many incarnations before. The soul was split into two causing each half of this soul in his or her present life to be in constant pursuit of the other half of their soul; their soul mate. It also went something like, if you purposefully refuse to recognize your soul mate in your current incarnation and he crosses your path, this results to absolute pain, grief and agonizing misery in another incarnation. I’m half way through the book.

Let’s cut to the chase. I’m avoiding it … but I must indulge. The One, a.k.a The one for me, is your soul mate. That one guy(or girl) that makes your heart beat in breathless pleasures when he smiles across the room, and not even at you. The one person, who makes you spontaneously happy just by being in their presence, makes life’s hardships bearable, makes the unachievable achievable, puts you first before himself in a first-nature kind of way… All this, by one person. The idea that ONE person holds the key to your ultimate happiness (and big honeymoon and beautiful kids) is both scary as hell and extremely captivating.

Of the 8 married and unmarried couples I talked to before writing this, none told me that they truly, frankly & honestly felt that they were with their soul mates. Staggering! “Why are you with them then?”I asked, ‘’I love them” they would respond. So you can truly love someone who is not your soul mate? Granted. We’v all fallen in and out of love. But does this mean then that I could find true pure and honest love with someone who isn’t my soul mate only to figure out two babies and a credit debt crisis later that he is not my soul mate? Holy Shit.

See, I don’t know of even one married couple that has been together for more than 10 years who are still happy. And who am I, or you, to think that you are the exception to this fact? That you will be the one lucky girl to find your soul mate. And if you can truly fall in love with anyone, how do you know that you have found The One? ‘Brida’ says that you will see a point of light above their left shoulder- that is your soul mate. Someone else also once said “when ya know, ya know”.

Did God really lift a rib off my Adam and place it in me for my Adam to come looking for me? Do soul mates REALLY exist? If yes, where is this magical man and who the hell manages the clock as to when I get to meet him? If they don’t exist, WHY IS EVERYBODY LOOKING! Even the cynics in their nonchalance indirectly and in some way search or wait to be found.

If you are a girl or guy like me in pursuit of happiness, health and wealth, then you have asked yourself these questions.

Love, just like its counterparts Life, God, Death, et cetera is one of the most sought after truths since the beginning of man’s recording of history. Few answers, many questions, more doubts.

And my answer is YES. I do believe in The One. 99 percent of the time.

Yeah, I said it!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Peace & Love

Julia Love

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17 Responses

  1. Anish

    Hmm im thinking and im not very sure about these One’s business. To assume that in the whole world that only one person is meant for me i find a bit(read very) daunting. So if that one person dies or we never find each other, etc we are fucked in a sense? cursed to be with the second best version of what could have been..? Ai that’s harsh. I believe you can genuinely love someone just coz and they can love you back in the same magnitude and just coz of that they become your one until, you know God puts assunder..bleh.. just saying.

  2. Anita

    Hmm im thinking and im not very sure about these One’s business. To assume that in the whole world that only one person is meant for me i find a bit(read very) daunting. So if that one person dies or we never find each other, etc we are fuc…ked in a sense? cursed to be with the second best version of what could have been..? Ai that’s harsh. I believe you can genuinely love someone just coz and they can love you back in the same magnitude and just coz of that they become your one until, you know God puts assunder..bleh.. just saying.See More

  3. Julia Love

    Anish!

    I couldnt agree more. I dont know if we have just ONE soul mate, or if we have a soul mate at all.
    I just hope i will e happy every day of my life with whomever i end up with.

  4. ES

    JULZ..I def bliv in the one still waiting and wondering but am guessin he took a wrong turn or two rushing to me lol.but really am pretty sure theres that one person for everyone.or maybe u can mk some1 the one.hmm.ok.confused..am out..
    good read

  5. becca

    Honey I love this soo much! Do I believe in the one is the question I keep asking myself! I kept asking myself will I ever find the ‘one’ after I thought I had the one n then he ended up being the one that got away?!
    But of late av been mixed by emotions! I light up wen I get a call or even text from this one Mr.X, 5months down of getting to knw him my heart still feels that warmth, that excitement, that feeling that u just can’t explain! hours without talking feels like days, days without seeing him feel like years! Every min something happens I wanna share, no mater how silly it might be! His always there to listen always there to turn my frown to a smile!
    But that just brings to me asking myself that one que might he be the one? How am I to knw cz from my point of happenings,feelings & emotions he does look&feel like the one! But hw do we tell? 5 months of intense getting to knw eachother, getting to feel this way then maybe later on things change??? Azin wah julz I don’t knw!
    I’m a sucker for love n I knw u knw just how much I am… But truth be told I do think that there is the one for each one of us!

  6. Ash Meadow

    Hey Julia I do agree with you and just like yourself being a hopeless romantic I seek to find the ONE… For the past two years I have been that friend that isn’t in a relationship as in long term, Most of my friends are in these relationships and when I posed the same questions “THE ONE” I got close results to yours.. the one in common with most of them is the fact that they know they can find THEIR ONE but they choose to settle.. I will never settle for someone who doesn’t wholly accept my craziness, complicated, happy go lucky and most of all my lifestyle.. I am seeing too many girls these days who submit themselves to their men because they don’t want to be alone and chase for THE ONE.. With your article it shows that men actually do believe and are more sensitive to finding their soul mate, so Women give men a chance to find THE ONE rather than tying them down for yourselves

  7. Ash Meadow

    AND to add on a little bit of that….I think that finding THE ONE is up to your interpretation of what you want in your life For me THE ONE is best epitomised best by this quote by Marilyn Monroe

    “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” Marilyn Monroe

    The day that I find that ride or die guy that would sacrifice what he can for me and inspire me to do the same for him then that’s THE ONE… and let’s not kid….financial security turns me on

  9. Faith Oneya

    To the author Author Julia: Commendable job…a well-researched, incisive article if ever there was any. On the subject of the one( Which, may I say, works very well as a pick-up line for men.Can go along the lines of ‘I knew you were the one when I first saw you’ .It takes many kinds of romantic twists and turns, really). While the romantic in me responds to the the highest romantic ideal of ‘the one’, the more practical me believes in abundance. In having the peace of mind in knowing there are many ‘ones’ from which I can choose from.While this is not a romantic ideal, it does feed romantic hope;-)

  10. Julia Love

    Becca,

    First of all, you lucky lark! I think i forgot how it feels to be in that exciting spur over a man. So happy for you! I mean, please follow your bliss. That is my philosophy! If it makes you happy, do it.

    Second! I dont know. Cuz you know, ALLLL relationships start off as electric and firey and it is at this time that you believe you have met the one adn no one can tell you otherwise! Then shit changes. *Shrug

    I say it again, follow you bliss. When it feels RIGHT, it usually is.

  11. Julia Love

    Claire!

    You have hit home for me. Many girls (and guya) my self included have settled for less because they are lonely. That is a place I dont want to ever be in again and I pray that I am never so lonely or afraid to be alone that I stay with mister good for nothing.

    I love that Quote by Maryln Monroe. I just love her story.

    Claire! Well put!

  12. Julia Love

    Faith,

    Thank you. Laugh Out Loud, beacuse it IS used as a line. i quote you “‘I knew you were the one when I first saw you’” …As sappy as it seems, we fall for those trashy lines!

    I think so too, that we should think of the land of available men as one of abundance! I like how you say that despite this not being a romantic ideal, it feeds your romantic thoughts. Awesome

  13. Noni

    Ati even the cynics in their nonchalance wait to be found!?..like that part the most..I like that you are honest w/ yourself too,great read

  14. Cathy

    “Did God really lift a rib off my Adam and place it in me for my Adam to come looking for me?” Lol! but carries all the weight in this thought process on The One…We may call it fate or forces of the universe that brings two people together in such “perfection” that its too good to be true. Everything in life happens the way it is intended to fall into place, there’s no gamble of fate because what lies in the future is beyond our control. Saying The One exists or does not exist I guess is a concept just like Love that everyone has their own definition for it since no one was cut from the same canvas. One’s idealism of The One may not be anywhere near the border line of another’s idealism but one thing is true…the only thing that’s worse than One is None…

  15. Julia Love

    Cathy!

    DEEP! the only thing worse than ONE is NONE. Eish!

  16. Bi

    lol, the Proverbial debate continues..7.2 billion people- in this time and space..and we are looking for The One.. who maybe the one that smiled at me on a bleak rainy worst day of my life. Maybe he is the one that paid my bus far when i took too long getting it from my wallet, the guy that pushed crowds for me as I was trying to get to the bathroom at the crowded club. Maybe he is the guy that stopped on the high traffic road patiently waiting for me to pass, or the guy that helped me carry my groceries to the car then disappeared into the shopping crowd.. maybe..

    God! Then i have to search amongst 7.2billion people.. in more than 156 countries and smaller islands..Maybe like the beautiful ones he is not yet born.. maybe he is a she.. (since these things like souls are fluid in time and space)

    There is such a thing as a Soul Mate.. and turns out there are more than one for you.. because you are always changing.., souls are energies in constant transformation.. so if you miss one bus.. you will get another..hopefully in this lifetime.
    Then and here i throw a spanner in the works.
    TwinSouls! Ever heard of that?..
    Its not a Soul Mate-but its what alot of us confuse for soulmates. You are more likely to have more than 2 soul Mates in one lifetime.. but only 1 Twin Soul in your Souls time. start here – http://www.kktanhp.com/twin_souls.htm

    So No. After meeting a few soul mates.. and finding my Twin Soul (a Native American/Ghanian)
    I dont believe in “The One” but in living passionately through ups and downs, highs and lows’ with one as i would with myself.

  17. mugxxi

    I have ran into 3 ‘soul mates’ in my life and to be quite frank, the soulmate thing is nothing more than the infactuation (read honeymoon) phase. chivalry is dead and ‘love’ nowadays has become too practical.. Love aint gonna pay the bills.. I think at one point or another, we all imagine we’ve run into THE ONE- ONE year later were planning the infamous “its not you its me” phrase… So NO the whole soulmate thing is a facade!
    P.s good read jules 🙂