What’s your story? What is that one constant topic that comes up every time you go out, and is a marker that the froth has finally reached the brain? For one of my cliques (no, I am no socialite, all behinds considered) the talk turns to how drunk people behave. I find this extremely fascinating; how a group of people would start talking about being tipsy once tipsy. These stories vary. So here’s what goes down after three glasses aka “The evolution of drunk conversations”.
Drinkers Analysis
This is the usual ‘ice breaker’ if the hitherto sober individuals had been thumbing away on their devices, letting their friends carry the conversation. Once inebriated, questions on different drinkers become very exciting.
Everyone goes on describing that one friend who is bitchy (trust me, this disease is not gender-specific nowadays) only to become an obedient, quiet dog when drunk. The topper (the guy whose story is more interesting-read exaggerated) will follow with a ‘you guy there’s this mama I know, wacha that one of yours…’ By the end of the night, the crew will be exhibiting these same behaviours much to everyone’s chagrin and grin.
The Walk
I remember someone mentioning how one is extremely conscious of their walking, once substantially drowned, that they put all mental energy into walking perfectly. The problem is there’s no perfect walk, even for sober people. So, for the smart in our midst, one figures, let me walk like I normally do-with a slight limp to the left. This is probably what their first love decades ago mentioned.
Now imagine how a fully grown man, concentrating on a perfect strut with an imagined drag looks like, then to your mental picture, add that of a baby trying to learn how to walk and bingo! That is how you look like when drunk.
The Mirror
I heard this one more recently. Ever wondered why when in the washrooms, at a club, you will find bearded men staring at the mirrors carefully? Apparently it is an attempt to establish the level of system in their alcohol. I hear there is a way, devised by experts, of looking at the blurry reflection belching back at you and telling whether you should call Mama Watoto or not. The decision usually makes for a proper laugh during lunch hour at work.
Party Rockers
Finally, common conversation topics. If it is a sizable group of men, they may touch on preference when it comes to women and alcohol. If these women are the feisty types, there will be a consensus that it is good to have a woman who can handle her glass of Guaranna. If not, well…
The other one, hence the subheading, is the discussion on which tribe, followed by town and finally country in East Africa parties harder.
‘Kampala is the place to be if you seriously want to party!’ Exclamation mark because by now the Dj and the Mututho Black Label in your brain is telling your vocal chords to become louder.
This line of discussion will slowly meander across several African countries before it either goes to Europe or any of the Arab countries in which case, alcohol will jump ship and be replaced by terrorism or something else.
By now, no one cares whether they are high or not. Watch out for these stories and how they evolve through the night.
Cheers to the Freakin’ Weekend!
About the author
As the author chose to remain anonymous all we can say is that he is an awesome musician, designer, writer and lover of (there you go…) sounds, colour and words.