Halle Berry, Halle Berry.
Yes, we made a song about her. And cheated on her, we black men.
Is lack of emotions to blame?
Over the last weekend, Jackson Biko wrote a great article on Friends with Benefits, particularly how such arrangements tend to put women at a disadvantage. While men do have sex for reasons such as to “release, to conquer and to tameâ€, women will have sex “to release and to connect emotionally”.
As eye opening the statement was to me, in my short life, I too have come to realise that sex with women has an emotional attachment (do not download the attachment!).
It is for the same reason that you will find that the ladies approach sex more as them giving themselves out, while men hardly seem to mind. Over several conversations I have had with women, some heated and others at room temperature (I am not a fan of chilled conversations though), I came to note that ladies often associated sex with giving away part of themselves. Some went as far as stating that if they had extra-relationship sex, they would be placing too much at stake.
Things stayed at that level till Biko’s article. Then it hit me.
I have had conversations with ladies on the cheating habit of men – having warned enough ladies that men are not as trustworthy as we look. A good number of us are bound to cheat at some point.
I did not have a clear answer as to why men cheat more than women do. Now I do, or so i think.
With no emotional attachments between men and sex, the barrier to a man cheating is quite low, and easily breached. Comparatively, it seems, a woman needs to involve her emotions before she goes ahead and cheats on her man.
Sometimes, a man may cheat out of habit. Sex is wonderful. There’s also something about having sex with a woman you haven’t had sex with (maybe as Biko says, to conquer and tame) – sorry ladies, that’s rough.
A chap will flirt with lots of women and a few of them will end up giving the go-ahead signal (yes, it’s mostly still up to the lady to decide where it ends) and the chap will go ahead and sleep with the lady. Perhaps, at the time, he has a partner somewhere.
Sometimes, some sort of freak accident happens and a chap finds himself in bed with a lady before his brain has a chance to react (yes,it happens!). Perhaps, some lady hit on the guy and the chap did not even think once, let alone twice, about it.
Thus, for men, sex is mostly about when, rather than who.
Also, that women have an emotional connection with sex will explain why women get very hurt when their trust is broken by a cheating partner.
For men, you will notice that the first things that gets hurt by a cheating partner is their ego (someone else has conquered or tamed them, by extension).