I run into a scammer on Facebook recently. They sent me an inbox on a day I was terribly bored and I wanted to amuse myself. Plus, it’s so much fun to play with these scammers’ minds. The first time I encountered a scammer, I almost sent them money for processing some bank documents so that they could send me “a large amount of money they inherited from their parents”. Because they trusted that I could keep the money safe for them. I would like to say that I agreed to help them because I am a kind person, but it was greed that was mostly the driving force. I mean, this is like $1,567,678 that they were talking about.
Here is the conversation of my recent encounter with a scammer.
Maria Rose 10/02/2016 17:13 You are the kind man that I been looking for! Let’s connect my darling because love is beautiful thing and sweet to eat together. send me email at mariarose@hotmail.com and I will tell you more about me and also send photos
Wanja Kavengi 10/02/2016 18:01 While I am flattered and a little bit embarrassed that you recognise my trait as a KIND person, and while I also am aware that I look like Arnold Schwarzenegger, it is insensitive of you to point it out by blatantly calling me a man. I get very emotional and insecure when someone brings it up, and seeing that you and I will be sharing the rest of our lives soon, I ask you to refrain yourself from pointing out my masculine looks, however strong the urge to make a comment about my beard could be. I don’t know, Maria, I would totally love for us to connect, but can I trust you? I don’t trust my own phone because when I connect it to the computer, the computer asks me, “Do you trust this device?” Surely, the computer must be knowing something that I don’t. And my suspicions after being asked that is where my trust issues are born. My passwords, on the other hand, are insecure. And my Wi-Fi connection is weak as fuck. Do you see how everything that I love just lets me down? Do you now understand why I need to know if I can trust you? I agree that, indeed, love is a beautiful thing, and we will eat it together. How do you like it? Personally, I like it grilled with a little garlic and lemon, served with fries fried in chilli. You need to memorise this since you are going to be my wife or something. Oh, and the love should be freshly slaughtered. Frozen or canned love doesn’t go well with my gut. Plus the microwave never gets to heat the centre of frozen stuff. I would totally love to e-mail you, darling, but I don’t like sending e-mails because, who knows, I may send the e-mail to a Nigerian scammer. Right? I’m sure you understand. Send me a photo and I will send you a photo of my breasts.
Maria Rose 10/02/2016 18:21 Thank you for reply darling, your message is so sweet. I am not usually of Facebook that why I need you to send me e-mail but is okay. My name is Maria Rose from Senegal but I live in UK where I work as waitress in bar at night. I am 28 years of old. I am a orphan and I live with my friend in small apartment. I want to join college but I don’t have money for laptop. I want you to know that you can trust me because I feel you are man for me. Tell me about yourself. I have attached a few photos and I hope you like them.
Maria Rose 10/02/2016 18:25 Your photo of breasts is okay
Wanja Kavengi 10/02/2016 19:14 You called me a man again. Fine then. I accept my fate. I am sorry to hear that you are an orphan. It must be a hilarious thing. I am glad that you are a woman who takes education seriously, and that even though you’re 28, you still want to join college. It’s a pity that the only obstacle between you and entering through the gates of college is a laptop. Because I want my future wife to be a college graduate, I shall buy you a laptop, Maria. Just let me know how much you need for one. As for me, my name is Wanja and I am a 56 years old tycoon living in East Africa. I have a chain of successful, non-existent 7-star hotels all over the world, I run several multi-million oil companies in my imagination, and other mythical organisations around the world. I love your photos. You are a stunning young woman. But, Maria, are you related to Alicia Keys? You look exactly like her! One would even say that you just downloaded her photos from the internet, the way those Nigerian scammers download photos of random people from the internet. I have attached a photo of my breasts as promised. I hope you find them not only seductive and tantalising, but also eye-opening and thought-provoking.
Maria Rose 10/02/2016 20:30 Your message make me happy my love and I smile that my photos make you happy. I just need $500 for the laptop honey. I am so happy God has bring you to my life. I was so sad before I meet you here on Facebook but now I feel God has answered my prayers. You sound like rich man and I want you to know that I appreciate you so much. Baby I want to start my own bar because being waitress is hard and I get tired and I want time for school. I don’t know where I will get money for that my darling but I know God will make a way. The photo is not breasts.
Wanja Kavengi 10/02/2016 20:59 Maria, it gives me so much joy to know that my message made you happy because to make an internet scammer happy is no easy task. It also gives me so much joy to see that my future wife has the entrepreneurship spirit in her. Having your own bar is a great idea! I would have happily given you the money to get your own bar, but I see that you have already entrusted God to take care of it. And since I deeply respect your decisions, I would never come between the arrangement that you and God have. So, yes, let’s wait for Him to make a way. And you are right, the photo is not a photo of breasts, but thighs. I figured that it is still too early in the relationship to start sending each other nudes. Plus, I wouldn’t want you to think that I am only interested in sex. You are beautiful, smart and very honest, and I cherish that. You must agree, though, that the thighs look delicious. I am planning to have them for dinner. Where do you want us to have our wedding, Maria? How many children would you like us to have? Do you have any siblings that you can invite to our wedding?
Maria Rose 10/02/2016 22:41 I feel happy and my heart melt like ice cream in the sun when I hear from you my love we can have wedding anywhere and I think I am okay with 3 children. I am only child and so I have no sibling and that is why I am lonely. Darling, when are you sending money for laptop I go college? when I am with you I feel like my heart will burst because of joy and love you give me. I love you so much Wanja
Wanja Kavengi 10/02/2016 22:51 Maria, why are you pressuring me about the money? Our relationship is just a few hours old and you are already exhibiting signs of nagging! Not that I am complaining, but I just like my wives patient. I was wondering if you would love to visit me here in my country, Maria.
Maria Rose 11/02/2016 06:42 I am sorry my love that I annoy you. Please forgive me you know I love you. I will wait you to send. My dear I love to visit you in your country but the travel agency say that I need passport and it will take weeks to be processed. it cost $200 and I can’t afford it so I don’t know what to do my love. I think about you everyday and I am so excited to see you and kiss you in your country
Wanja Kavengi 11/02/2016 08:21 As long as you’re mine, money should not be a problem, Maria. I will take care of the passport expenses. In fact, I will buy you your own private jet. What do you think?
Maria Rose 11/02/2016 08:33 Wow! I feel so glad because you will help me with passport darling. i feel okay with private jet too. Wanja you are this man I feel blessed to have you in my life. I dream with you every night and I am waiting to hug you soon. Wanja as you know I am not financially unstable and I need to pay the rent but I don’t want to bother you with that darling but I just trust God.
Wanja Kavengi 11/02/2016 08:55 Maria, it pleases me to think that since you are not financially unstable, you will definitely be able to pay rent. It pleases me even more that you don’t want to bother me with that. For a moment there, I thought you would bother me with it and I was already getting disappointed that I have gotten involved with a hot woman who bothers me with things. Not that I don’t like being bothered -believe me, I enjoyed being bothered once in a while – but I am of the opinion that our relationship hasn’t yet progressed to that stage where we bother each other with things. And it is my sincere prayer that it never gets to that stage. Hey, my love, I have been thinking; what if I come to visit you instead? Not that I don’t want you to visit me (trust me, I really don’t), but I don’t want my future wife in a plane. I mean, did you see how that Malaysian plane just disappeared? Not that I would mind if a plane you were in disappeared, but it would really hurt me to know that I paid for your passport only for the plane to disappear! It would kill me to lose that $200 just like that. I’m sure you get what I mean. Let me know what you think. In the meantime, I would like to dedicate the song Gold Digger by Kanye West and Jamie Foxx to you. I hope that you find it not only poetic and melodious, but also insulting and offensive.
Maria Rose 11/02/2016 09:15 Thank you for the song darling, its sweet and my heart melt like ice cream in sun. my love I already tell the agency to process my passport so you don’t need to come. Just send me money and I will see you soon baby. I still waiting for laptop money. I love you my Prince, You make my heart beat like drum.
Wanja Kavengi 11/02/2016 09:25 I knew you would love the song, and that is why I particularly chose it. I know your taste. Maria, I would love to send you money for your laptop, but I just had a sudden ailment and I need immediate medical attention. It’s not anything serious, though, just a severe, life-threatening heart attack and two hernias, and I will need a heart transplant and brain surgery. So don’t worry, because as you’ve seen, it’s nothing. That said, I think we can put your education on hold so that I can get a new heart. Love is all about sacrifice, and I believe it wouldn’t be a problem sacrificing your education to save my life. Meanwhile, send me the contacts of the travel agency so that I can talk to them directly and pay them.
Maria Rose 11/02/2016 09:32 Oh my man is sick! I feel so sad like crying and I want to come and be with you. The agency not accept paying from other country so you just send me. I will give you details you use for Western Union. I hope that is fine with my darling.
Wanja Kavengi 11/02/2016 09:43 Western Union? Are you crazy, Maria? I don’t trust these money transfer methods. So what I will do is, I will put the money in a safe package and send it with one of my containers in a cargo ship. You will get it at the port. It will take about 6 months for you to finally get the cash, but at least we will have used the safest way to get the money to you. So tell the agency to take their time. There’s no hurry.
Maria Rose 11/02/2016 09:49 Are you serious in relationship Wanja? I feel so hurt that you are not serious with me. You want to send money on ship that is not good. I very disappointed!
Wanja Kavengi 11/02/2016 09:51 Take it or leave it.
Maria Rose 11/02/2016 09:52 You just play with my heart Wanja!
Wanja Kavengi 11/02/2016 09:56 Okay, I won’t deny that I’m playing with your heart, Maria, but it has a really good hand at poker, and you haven’t told me that it plays golf too! It hasn’t beat me on chess yet, so we are going another round in a short while. Anyway, you were saying…?
Wanja Kavengi 11/02/2016 10:11 Since I haven’t heard from you in a while, I will conclude that you are either giving me the silent treatment or this relationship is over. Which is it?