There is a girl I know that inspired me to write this piece. She is sweet, funny, sometimes vulnerable and very, very, beautiful. She is selfish, disloyal, deceitful, infuriatingly opportunistic and a former gold digger-I think. She is also in deep need, in a subtle and secret way, for a man-to complete her and make her smile, to love her and promise to marry her one day.
There is something that bothers me so much about being a woman and it is the need for us to feel ‘finally complete’ when we have found love. Granted that everyone, man or woman needs love, but women, we YEARN it. God built men to be strong and progressive and pursue good work to enable them to provide so that after, they can pursue love. But then He built women to need love whilst still being able to adjust to whatever conditions life throws at them whether it’s to be the provider or solely the child bearer. Because of this imbalance we have across the world and cutting across all cultures broken hearts, one night stands and self proclaimed players.
I was tipsy one Friday night as I tip-toed my way to the bathroom of my favorite club. I cursed when I swung the door open to discover that the bathroom was jam packed. I took my position at the mirror trying to focus on the status of my makeup. Two girls, a skinny one and a plump one started to chat me up complimenting my outfit. I took the compliment and faked an American accent because I was tipsy and wearing a Rocawear jumpsuit. I complimented ‘plump’ on her long fake lashes that looked perfectly manicured and told ‘skinny’ how I envied her body. Plump then, out of que said, “I like my size cuz I am representing the men who like curvy womenâ€. I gave her a high five and laughed with her but couldn’t help myself from thinking, “Did she just say she appreciated her size because men appreciated her?†It’s sad but a reality-women let (and note my choice of the word ‘let’) men define them. And it doesn’t go the same way with men-try gaining some weight and test how many free drinks you’ll get at the club-just sayin’. The difference between the two sexes was sometimes sexist by God, but it is what we have been handed.
Men define themselves by the car they drive and the whisky they pick and women define themselves by the man, or lack thereof, they are romantically involved with. Without the nice car or longest matured drink, men feel incomplete- sure they would like a nice girlfriend or wife. Without the love and romantic link, women feel incomplete-sure they can work and pay their own gas and rent.
Now don’t get me wrong. That’s alright. Many ‘outer’ things in life define us. For instance, I am defined by my status in society, my love for animals and long eyelashes, golden highlights, and jager bombs. They all define me. If I am in a relationship, that relationship defines me…that man defines me-I can’t help it. Because I love Love. But this is what I think. Let a relationship define you when you are in a relationship.
When you’re not in a relationship and you are busy attending all the hottest gigs in town every night with the hope of finding mister right to finally feel fully defined in your existence, you’re becoming desperate.
If you’re not in a relationship, let your passions in life define you instead-they are a good substitute. If you have no idea what your passion in life is, it’s the perfect time for you to discover. Get reading and researching about how to live life passionately because just like love, your passion will totally consume you and satisfy you and thrill you every corner of the ride.
Yeah, I said it!
Peace & Love
Julia Love
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