Weka Condom Mpangoni ad
There has been an uproar concerning a certain condom advert. Those against it claim it spreads immorality in the society, while those for it claim it just depicts what is already on the ground. A case of morality versus reality you could say. I agree that infidelity in marriages shouldn’t be taken lightly but I also recognize that there are a lot of individuals that are taking their marriage vows lightly. If that wasn’t the case, the rate of new H.I.V. infections among the married wouldn’t stand at an alarming 44%.
There have been calls for the organizations behind the advert to rethink their strategy and focus on what drives married people to cheat. Great idea, except it isn’t the role of health organizations to worry about the society’s morality. They look at the statistics and draw up a health plan. Condoms are a health strategy, not a moral one. Infidelity as a moral issue then is the society’s responsibility. You and I must be the ones to look at the reality and try and figure out why marriages are failing.
I’m a young lady in her mid twenties and I can tell you for a fact that I have been hit on by many married men. Most of them don’t even bother hiding the fact that they are married, even having their wife as part of the conversation. A guy once told me that his wife was constantly nagging him and it bored him so he was looking for some fun. I asked him if he was sure he didn’t bore her and she was out looking for some fun as well as we spoke. That seemed to shock him and he shook his head blurting that she wouldn’t do that to him because she loved him. I laughed and asked him if he loved her coz he was trying to do something he shouldn’t. Needless to say, he left me alone and I’d like to think, went home.
Marriages are failing because of expectations not being met. A lot of people are getting married for all the wrong reasons and then expecting their partners to be perfect. There is always a reason to go cheat. “It’s fun. I’m bored, I need variety… They aren’t doing this or that for me.†The list of ‘reasons’ is endless and earnestly justified. Even with these scary statistics, most of these men and women don’t use condoms especially if the mpango wa kando is a regular. Marriage is being treated like a holiday resort where if you don’t get the room service you want, you move hotels.
What people need to be told is that marriage is hard work and there is no magical formula for it. Communication of and compromise on expectations is key and so is commitment and patience. Marriage failure is not a Kenyan problem, it’s a global one. The divorce rates may not be as high in Kenya as in the west but that’s a testimony to our ‘what will people say African way of life’ rather than to having actual successful marriages. I am old school when it comes to marriage vows. I want to be in it for the long haul and would rather stay single than marry someone who shows signs of not being in it till death do us part. Being in it means keeping your vows and not just sticking around. The sad part is I have to expound on that!
We as a society need to look at the reasons behind the failing marriages. Do couples need more support in terms of counseling before and after marriage? The times have changed. There is a lot more pressure on marriages and relationships in general than before and the same strategies used in the past are becoming irrelevant. A series of serious conversations must be had if the institution of marriage is to survive, and burying our heads in the sand isn’t going to cut it anymore.