Learning to be your own person Have you ever been in a situation where people around you seem to change based on who they are with at the moment. When their friends say jump, they do it no questions asked. Sometimes their decisions are all based on “so and so said I shouldn’t do this’ or ‘they think he is wrong for me so I ended the relationship’. Their friends are the beginning and end of everything. Question is, how often should you listen to your friends?
Most times the answer to this question is, every time, a little bit or never. Majority would choose the ‘a little bit’ answer and realistically speaking, they would be lying to themselves.
I always question to what extent your friends’ opinions should really matter to you. If I had to be absolutely honest, I would say we do listen to our friends a lot. Maybe it’s because we trust their judgment and opinions after years of friendship. No matter how much we trust them and take their opinions seriously, there comes a time when you regret listening to them. How many times has that happened to you? I can’t begin to count the occasions I say “I should have ignored that piece of adviceâ€.
How many times have you bought that shoe because your friends insist you would look good in them. Or that time you quit your job because your friends said you were being under appreciated. What about the club in town that you really liked to go and have a good time at? Too ‘old-fashioned’ they said. So you ended up transforming into this individual molded by the opinions and suggestions of others.
So maybe clothes and food weren’t that important to you. you can live with the changes their opinions are bringing to your life. As time passes by, you mature and it reaches a point in your life that you have to find that special someone. You get into a relationship and swap Friday raves to Friday dinner with your man. It’s all sweet at first when they see how attentive he is. But little by little, snide comments about him are sent your way.
They no longer have anything nice to say and insist you have become “different†since you got into a relationship. With the arguments increasing, it reaches a point where you are forced to choose between your spouse and you friend(s). who will it be?
He isn’t good enough for you. She was too possessive. All these excuses are given to nudge you in the right direction; leaving your spouse. You survived having to change your way of dressing, you managed not to trip on the heels they insist you should wear, you no longer miss the food they made you stop eating. But can you really manage leaving your spouse because of what they said?
Friends usually have our backs when things go wrog. Most times you turn to them before you decide on anything. But I’ve always had the opinion that you don’t have to listen to everything they say and do everything they say. Yes, they do have a say in your happiness. But the final decision is all yours.
You need to pause for a second and think about what lies behind their words. Are thye directing you based on your happiness or jealousy? Sometimes the people you consider to be your friends don’t always have your best intentions at heart. Listen to them, take their advice and weigh their words. But at the end of the day, make the decision all on your own.
The main thing is to be firm in your decisions. nobody likes an indecisive person. If you want to do something, make up your mind and do it. Don’t change your mind halfway through because someone else said something about it. It’s not just in relationships, it also applies to your work and education. Make the decisions that make you happy, not other people. If your friends aren’t happy with your decision, talk it out and meet each other halfway. But don’t bend over backwards to please them all the time.
If you constantly live under someone else’s shadow, you will never know the potential within you to prosper. You can’t leave your mark in this world by being a photocopy of someone else. Be the original, be you.