I know the heading shocked you, as it should. We all know three or four single mothers out there. Great inspiration. Some have raised Kings, some have raised thieves. Either way, they have raised kids on their own, and that is not something any of us should take for granted.
I was raised by a single mother after my dad passed on. We were eight in the family and up to this date, I still don’t know how my mother raised us to all go to universities, get good jobs and marry to have families of our own.
Maybe there was a gene in the 70s and 80s that made women stronger, and they put their children first and hustled to ensure they had food to eat, clothes to wear and an education.
Come 2016! I weep.
I do not think women can raise 8 children in this day and age. Things have changed. Some women have become weaker. Between balancing instagram likes, to hustling to raise a family, I feel women are finding it hard to jungle. Oh, don’t forget dating multiple guys on whatsapp. It’s hard to focus on things like raising a kid. A 30 year old woman is struggling to take care of herself. At this age, my mother had four children and she was doing well. These days, women will earn a salary and still expect a sponsor to help them out. Why? They are driving big cars that they cannot afford, they live in a postal address acceptable to their peers and they dress in designer clothes that we still cannot pronounce.
What is worrying me now is there are more and more single mothers aged 20 -25 years thinking being a single mother is cool. Doing blog posts and you tube channels hashtag #NoBabyMamaDrama. It pains me because she thinks it’s a joke to raise a child. She is a child herself raising a child.
At this age, she is supposed to be in the University, messing up with late nights trying out variations of Vodka. At this age, she should be confused in what career path to take, and there is room to try something and change to what her heart wants if it does not work out. At this age, she should get to know herself. What does she like, what kind of music, movies, books does she enjoy. At this age, she should have worked for some company and realized she is more inclined to business more or to be an employee more. At this age, she should know condoms and other contraceptives are her best friends because all she meets are horny men who just want to take her to bed.
At this age, she should be experimenting sexually and because she is a learned girl, she should be able to tell a man ‘I cannot do it without a condom’ . Unfortunately, most of these single mothers never get to experience that. They never get to discover life. Live life, travel, make other mistakes. Once they get pregnant, they shelve all their plans and dreams and start raising children.
For these ladies, they will most likely give it up to their classmates in the university, who continue to graduate and live their life. If her parents are willing, they will continue paying for her university, but we know, most parents don’t give you the privilege to mess twice.
So here is the scenario.
You are pregnant, 21years old, second year in the university. You are forced to drop out, but you continue to live under your parent’s roof because they care.
Now, let’s look at the life that you will give this child. After a while, you are more than likely to fall out with your parents, because given your age, you still have hot blood in you, and your friends just discovered Kiza Lounge and you feel you are part of the pack. After a night at Kiza and kissing some boys, your parents give you a curfew, you decide you are a grown ass woman, and move out with your child. Things become tough and the only job you can get is a waitress. You are not used to responsibilities and you cannot understand why your landlord cannot see just how pretty you are.
Pressure mounts up. You read in Kilimani mums that other moms (able mothers) take their kids for piano, swimming, yoga and ballet at the age of two. It hits you that your kid is 3yrs old, and all you have done is fed it milk. So you hustle harder to give your child this life.
Now, allow me to digress.
You see, when under privileged women have children, it’s clear. These kids grow up knowing, the next meal is a privilege. That builds in them the spirit of hustling, no one wants to get back to poverty. That’s why a good percentage of slum dwellers make it because they have experienced the life.
When rich women have kids, its clear cut. They will have everything they want and they will have opportunities that most kids will not.
Now, when it comes to the middle class kids, it’s a pata potea kind of situation. Today your mother has change, she will take you for swimming. Tomorrow, she will not have money, you will play kalongolongo with the neighbours. Then when money checks it, she will give you 5 lessons of piano. Incomplete stuff. So you will never know if your kid is the next golfer, pianist, swimmer or artist because what you could afford to give him were incomplete classes due to budgets.
It costs at least Ksh 16M for you to raise a child till they get through university. These days, they don’t leave your house at the age of 18. Things have changed; 30 year olds are still living with their mothers. So do the math of raising a kid alone till they are 30. You will be 55 , my friend.
So before you come here and hashtag #BabyMamaIndepenent, consider options like protection and contraceptives till you are ready.
Other single mothers are having it all. Their kids are in Riara. They have a sport which is not kalongolongo. They holiday out of the country twice a year. Why? Because they were ready. They waited for it. They completed their education. They were in the same position as you, where boys buy them Smirnoff ice, text them good morning and they gave it up….but guess what, they had a goal in mind.
Even though men disappoint and disappear the minute you are pregnant, make it your mission to always use protection until you are married. Otherwise, you will be giving your child a mediocre life and we all know that children deserve better that what we can give them
So don’t give us the crap that ‘he might become Obama’ please! What are the chances? With the kind of upbringing you are giving this child, the best he will be is a clerk for a government office.
Always remember, you can raise a king or a thief!
So enjoy sex, try out every kinky stuff, but when it comes to penetration, fucking get a condom until you are ready to treat HIV or be a single mother.
No child applies for a mediocre life, so if you cannot afford to give a child a better life than you had, you have no business in raising one. Let them go down the drain….but don’t punish them by raising them.
Signed, Annoyed!