“I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.†― Bill Cosby
Making kids is a fun experience. Heck, the entire Adult entertainment industry sprung up from the biological need to sow our oats. Though admittedly, in that industry, said oats land on rather unproductive tracts. But anyway.
My trip into fatherhood begun with a Lord of the Rings marathon at a friends crib. I was that guy going “Yeah right…†when Gandalf yelled his famous line:
Well. Not only did my swarming squadron pass through all obstacles….they stormed up the fallopian pass and TOOK THAT EGG DOWN!
And suddenly, I was responsible for lives other than my own.
This, as you can imagine, came a bit of a shock.
The telling of the folks was relatively easy for me. My mother was in Tonga at the time with my dad. It’s a 36 hour flight. I was safe for a while…huzzah!
But her folks…well…they were right here. And they had a few tough questions. Like “Young man, what are your intentions?”
At the time, I didn’t know. I like the lass. I like the lass a whole lot…but I was quite enjoying the footloose and fiancé free lifestyle at the time.
I had two choices: Flee or grow up. And as attractive as feeling seemed then, it wasn’t who I am. Who I say I am.
So I enrolled in Life lessons: man up 101.
And now, I go into the accelerated maturity program. I had a new set of folks who are heavily invested in discovering EVERYTHING about Me. I needed to let my siblings know what was up. And I needed to start handling daddy stuff…like shopping for maternity plans, buying baby stuff, talking to moms, pediatricians, gynos..
In the meantime, She and I were trying to figure out what we truly want…for ourselves and for the child. I didn’t want to get married then and that was communicated as clearly as I knew how to. And we agreed to keep working on it.
Baby came on a cold February night. I had mixed reactions when I first held her.
Terror that I’d drop her and she’d be damaged for the rest of her days.
Relief that all her parts seem to be in working order.
A sense of wonder that she seem to have my features…so I sort of know what I look like in a skirt.
And confusion…because…well…she’s here now. What next?
Her first three years had her shuttle between 3 houses. Her maternal grandparents, her moms and my place. Baby and I spent some time together…3 or so times a month. I’ll tell you right away folks, that not anywhere near enough time to build relationships with the child.. After 3 years, her mom and I finally got married. My interaction with firstborn at first was stilted…hesitant. The dynamic had changed..from being her gift bearing, fun to be around daddy to fulltime dude in charge as well as disciplinarian.
When number 2 landed 4 years down the line, I finally understood what being there from the beginning is all about. I rocked the new baby to sleep…did the whole diaper patrol shtick, watched her first steps, heard her call me Papa for the first time.
I did it all.
It sure beats being an absentee dad.
The relationships continue to evolve. As she gets older, the first born values my opinion and approval far more than she did when she was younger. I’m making a conscious effort to recognize and nurture her talents.
I’m now dealing with the Princess mentality in the first born…and that her acceptance that her dark skin is every bit as good as her light skinned brethren. She’s incredibly sharp, witty (even abrasive) and has little concept of ‘NO’ as a final answer. She’ll make a bundle someplace in the future.
The second born has me wound around her little finger…but the part she may not see is that I have her wound around mine. She will occasionally lapse into baby mode to get more attention. but she becomes more self assured each day.
For both of them, for the lessons they teach me…about who I am and who I want to be, I am grateful.
The second born has me wound around her little finger…but the part she may not see is that I have her wound around mine. She will occasionally lapse into baby mode to get more attention. but she becomes more self assured each day.
For both of them, for the lessons they teach me…about who I am and who I want to be, I am grateful.
Hope you had an awesome father’s day.