Samir Dave loves humour and finds amusement in everything. He opens his mouth a lot (most times to change feet) in order to be heard.

Samir Dave



He describes himself as loud, obnoxious and extremely unreliable. He loves driving fast, eating fast and drinking slowly.

He confesses a penchant for 18 and 21 year old’s, especially if they are good whisky’s. He is also known to “enjoy a good fat Cuban in my mouth after dinner and a cigar once in a while isn’t bad either.”

We had a few questions for him, and this is what he had to say.

1. What was your first phone?

It was an Alcatel, I can’t remember the model, but my askari uses it as a rungu these days so I’ll get you the details ASAP. The best thing in those (Kencell) times was you were only charged after the first 3 seconds. We had ‘radio-call’ like conversations all night.

2. What do you prefer? Facebook or Twitter? Why?

Twitter, I can be as open as I want without an aunt or uncle – us Indians have too many of those – raising an eyebrow at my binge drinking, wife bashing and misogynistic views. Twitter also allows me to look like a smart, funny talented misguided amateur writer. Whereas on Facebook my friends call out my plagiarized bluffs all the time.

3. Where do you see yourself in 5 years

Running a beach bar in Bali or Koh Samui (really, I do… but by the time I am 40 and I am currently working on this); but from my current employers outlook and my various threats of injuring him I may be running the soup station at Kamiti Prison.

4. Any question for us? We’ll publish our answer as well

If you could go back in time and change one major historical event, what would it be and why – keeping in mind the positive as well as negative implications of the same?

(I would also like to have a lengthy debate about this with someone – anyone – if interested)

  • That’s a great question! The thing is, everything that has happened in the past, good or bad, has shaped who we are today. Going back to make changes may not have the outcome we want. Who’s to say righting a past wrong will be more beneficial in the present than erasing a good deed in the past? I say let the past remain as it is.

5. What would you do if you were president for a day?

I have thought on this question many a time and presuming President of Kenya, the amount of work needed to make any long lasting or substantial change is very difficult to complete in one day. In view of the same, the few people that know me can swear to you that total anarchy would reign. However, my task on that day would be to bring up the salary levels of teachers and the police. I once had a debate about how a whole country can change for the better if the law enforcers and future-leader-developers are intrinsically and emotionally satisfied.

6. Whats your favourite book & movie?

Book – Shibumi by Trevanian but I am warming up to the epic Srimad Bhagavad Gita now…

Film – Quite difficult to say any one as each year I swear that so and so movie was the best one I have watched. A night at the Roxbury – There I said it, judge me all you want.


7. Who/What inspired you to do what you do now?

In this capitalist world a job is necessary to enjoy the same capitalist pleasures we enjoy. My mum always expects me to aspire to do more, be more, ask for more (she probably coined the “more please” phrase in the Royco ad of yore). Not only is she a travel agent for guilt trips, she is also an outstanding example of resilience and perseverance. I have spent my adult life trying to be 1/10th the person she is. Those who expected a funny answer to here, I’m sorry I had to give credit to that one person that has made me the man I never expected to be.

8. If you were to change jobs, what profession would you get into? Why?

I am currently a salesman and have a knack of talking a lot (more than what’s good for me). My wife insists if I were paid for every sentence I utter, I would be giving hand outs to Bill Gates and the likes. I would love to be a jet-fighter pilot (no I have wanted to do this even before Top Gun came out) as it is an occupation that requires discipline and character. Both of which I drastically lack and hope to gain from the job.

9.If you had a superpower, what would it be?

I would love to be invisible. There are too many fantasies from old (R-Rated) movies that I need to enact….

10. If you were deserted on an abandoned island what 5 things would you want to have?

– A boat (a bit obvious I think) OR a solar powered jet-ski! Yes, let’s go with the jet-ski…

– A photospectrometer (I’ve always wanted one and since you’re offering…)

– An eyepatch (c’mon you know how hardcore I’d look with that eye patch when they rescue me)

– A picture of my work desk (it may encourage me not to escape that island)

– A humongous vat of Caol Ila (25 Year Old) 1979 (it’s the year of my birth and one of my favourite whiskies)

Caol Ila 25 year old whisky

Caol Ila 25 year old whisky


(FYI I wanted to say my wife but your question was THINGS – so if I had referred to her as a chattel of possession, you would find me at your doorstep with my entire whisky collection)

11. If you were a car, what car would you like to be? Why?

I would be definitely be the old Volkswagen Beetle – I smoke a lot, people relying on me swear a lot, my bottom end is definitely where I operate from and I do smell like aged leather and wood

12. If you could be in any band in the world, which one would you like to be in? Why?

Dire Straits – They got “money for nothing and the chicks for free” *does air drum solo with two pens to prove point*

13. Share something interesting about yourself with our readers.

I have a knack for turning practically anything into an innuendo. On a serious note, not many readers know that I am actually quite talented with my hands (if you think that’s an innuendo then you need a doctor – a very good one). I also give (long, boring) talks on single malt whisky and love using brackets (in writing) more than anyone you will ever meet.